Making Sure Your Wedding Tux Is The Perfect Wedding Tux

Making Sure Your Wedding Tux Is The Perfect Wedding Tux

Making Sure Your Wedding Tux Is The Perfect Wedding Tux

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If you’re reading this then, yes, congratulations, man. You’ve found The One and been brave enough to either pop the question or say yes as an answer, and the road to eternal happiness has been paved with love.

What’s more, you’ve probably embarked on some of the planning, at least the bigger stuff like a venue and the caterers and all that sort of big game hunting that will make your big day a little unique. Chances are, your wife has probably been searching for the perfect dress too, maybe even found it. And that’s where this blog comes in because the suit or tux that you pull on the morning of your big day is just as important.

You are going to make up one-half of the aisle, the vows, and the photographs, and so you need to pick the perfect tux. And here is how:

Making Sure Your Wedding Tux Is The Perfect Wedding Tux

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Know The Setting

If you’ve been deciding on the big things – like the location – then you will no doubt now what sort of wedding you are having to dress for, and this is going to be crucial to understand. Oh yes, there are different types of wedding. You could be having a beach wedding, or going for a bit of country casual, or a black tie event, or even a ballroom twist, possibly even an outdoor do, one that takes place in a glade in a wood. Each of these is different, so make sure you keep the setting in mind when deciding on a suit and, if you are unsure, then tell the assistant your plans and let them help you.

Never Forget the Fit

It doesn’t matter whether you are wearing a suit or a tuxedo (or even a t-shirt), it has to fit you perfectly. This is the most important thing when deciding on the suit because an ill-fitting suit will haunt you for the rest of your life. You see, sloppy fitting clothes won’t just look dodgy, but they completely obscure what you look like. As such, always consult an expert. That doesn’t mean spending a fortune on a tailored tuxedo if you can’t afford one; it just means finding someone who knows what your size is, who knows about sizing and can deliver the right fit.

Making Sure Your Wedding Tux Is The Perfect Wedding Tux

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A Pinch of You

There is a decorum to uphold when it comes to wedding suits and tuxedos, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a pinch of you. It could be that you look for this little bit of you when looking at your looking at a selection of benchmark wedding bands, or what to get engraved on it. It could be that you go with a pocket watch to set your suit off, or a pair of bright socks, maybe even some converse. Whatever it is, don’t let it overrule your suit, just let it sprinkle a bit of you on it.

You Deserve To Splurge

Your wife to be isn’t going to compromise on the dress, and for great reason too, which is why you shouldn’t either. In years to come, you are going to forget a lot of the details about that day because the adrenaline, the emotion, and the booze will sort of distort your memory. What won’t be forgotten, however, is what you were wearing; there will be visual reminders all over the place. Like we said above, that doesn’t mean you have to blow your budget wide open. What it does mean is, if you find the suit, the one you want that is slightly out of your price range, well, bend the rules a bit and get it; after all, you deserve it.

Make Your Wedding Truly Unique with This Guide

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Are weddings at risk of all blurring into one? Probably not. No matter how similar many of them are to each other, it’s the people you share the day with that really make the day unique. Still, there’s something to be said for a wedding that really stands out in the memory for good and creative reasons!

Here are a few cool ideas that you could consider if you want to do something a little bit more experimental with your special day!

Unique invitations

Wedding invitations should be an absolute thrill to open. But most of the time they just feel like a bland sort of formality. By the time people receive them, they already know there’s going to be a wedding, and the “Save the Date” cards they receive probably look like every other wedding invitation they’ve ever seen. Why not make more of an effort to make these exciting? Get a little inventive with your invites! Keep this in mind: it’s not as if you’re sending wedding invitations to complete strangers, right? You can afford to be a bit more creative and informal with these invitations. Have a look at bespoke-bride.com for some unique wedding invitation ideas.

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Get married outdoors

Sure, it’s easy to understand why most people get married indoors. For one, you’ve got a lot less to worry about if the weather takes a nasty turn! But when you restrict your options to just indoor venues, then you’re cutting yourself off from a lot of potentially incredible wedding venues. Getting married against the backdrop of an amazing outdoor view can make your day much more unforgettable than your average wedding. Of course, you have to be pretty careful if you’re going to go about your special day in this way! Head to marthastewartweddings.com for some essential advice regarding outdoor weddings.

Bring some pets

This may seem like a bit of an odd one. But hey, we’re here to discuss ways in which to make your wedding truly unique, right? There are a lot of venues out there that allow you to bring pets into your wedding. And surely you’ve always wanted an excuse to put a bow tie on your dog or a bridal veil on your cat, right? Sure, you’ve got to be careful with how you go about it, but bringing pets to a wedding can really help make the day unforgettable. Read more about it at theweddingsecret.co.uk!

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Spice up the music

Aren’t we all sick of “Here Comes the Bride” by now, just a little? I’m not saying the bride should be rocking down the aisle to, say, Justin Bieber or anything. But surely we can have a bit more variety? Perhaps the best way to introduce a bit more musical originality to your wedding is to have a wedding band come play for you. Better yet, why not see if some of your musically-talented friends will form a band just for the day? You’ll be able to open up the musical possibilities much more this way. (And, y’know, you could also save a bunch of money. Those formal wedding bands are expensive!)

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Less traditional jewelry

Cufflinks, pearl earrings, simple gold necklaces – they’re all nice and everything, but why not make things a little more interesting by adding some more adventurous jewelry into the mix? You could take inspiration from other cultures where jewelry plays an even bigger part in weddings, such as India. You could even look to the streets for some more urban inspiration! I wouldn’t recommend messing around too much with the wedding ring, though. A bombastic wedding ring is something you’re going to have to wear for as long as you’re married, after all.And remember: don’t put all the jewelry-related focus only on the bride! The groom can certainly get very stylish with the right selection. You can check out some more exciting jewelry over at frostnyc.com.

Wedding cake alternatives

Look, I’m not going to go on a rant against wedding cakes. Any type of cake is pretty awesome. But if you’re looking for areas in which to change things in order to make your wedding more unique, then this is a great place to do it. You can get impressive and luxurious versions of pretty much any dessert your can imagine. If you want to keep things in the ‘cake’ department, then you can always try exciting cheesecakes or cupcakes. But how about trying waffle sundaes, or berry parfaits, or even whoopie pies? You can check out more non-cake wedding dessert alternatives over at theknot.com.

 

 

For Richer, For Poorer: Here's How To Prevent Money Problems From Blowing Up Your Marriage

For Richer, For Poorer: Here’s How To Prevent Money Problems From Blowing Up Your Marriage

It’s no secret that money issues are a big deal in some marriages. According to married couples, family finances are the number one stress they face in their relationship, with things like annoying habits and kids coming in second and third.

According to the aptly named Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis, 22 percent of marriages end because of money problems. It’s all rather grim. However, there’s plenty that the average couple can do to improve their lot in life and their relationship in the process. Here’s how to prevent money from blowing up your marriage.

Don’t Start Off On The Wrong Foot

For Richer, For Poorer: Here's How To Prevent Money Problems From Blowing Up Your Marriage

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Ann-Margaret Carrozza is an expert who specializes in personal finance. She sees couples all the time who spend all of their money up front on things like their wedding and don’t leave anything left in the kitty for their first few years of marriage when things are hardest. The average cost of a wedding is currently running at an eye-watering $26,000, or about the amount that the average entry-level graduate job pays in a year. What’s more, couples who live in metropolitan areas like New York and Los Angeles, regularly end up paying three times that, says Carrozza. Most couples who are just starting out can’t afford to pay the entire bill in cash, she continues. So they have to go into debt, take out loans and survive on credit cards. It doesn’t make for a happy existence, warns the financial expert. “They’re literally drowning in debt out of the gate.”

This doesn’t mean, of course, that couples have to miss out on the festivities entirely. It just means scaling them back to something that it is a little more sensible and more in line with their financial resources. There are plenty of ways to save on weddings, including postponing the wedding party to the fifth or tenth anniversary.

Talk About Your Demons

Most experts are now in agreement that is it important for couples to talk about their entire financial situation before tying the knot. This can be a painful process, but it means that both parties understand where the other is financially so that unexpected issues don’t arise at a later date. This conversation a great chance to discuss alternative income sources, outstanding debts and other financial obligations you might have. It’s also the time to speak about any alimony payments from previous marriages and the financial support you may have to provide to an aging parent or grandparent.

Get To Know Each Other’s Money Mindset

Matt Bell is the author of a book called Money and Marriage and an editor at an investment web site. He points out that most couples don’t actually disagree on money itself; they clash because of their temperaments. For instance, one partner might think that it is perfectly reasonable, if you have the money, to blow $300 a month on clothes. After all, why bother working so hard if you can’t enjoy it? The other partner, by contrast, might see those $300 as a wasted opportunity to save because the money spent on clothes is not a necessary expense. These differences in temperament can cause conflicts over money, even if there is no problem with overall household expenditure. One partner might fear that the other partner’s spending habits are making it more likely that the couple won’t be able to pay the bills in the future.

It’s a good idea to find out more about your partner, their history with money and how frugal their parents were. If they’re used to getting loans from sites like http://personalmoneystore.com, and you’re used to saving all your money, the chances are that they have a fundamentally different attitude to finances than you do. The same goes if their parents saved up all their money for retirement, but your parents blew it all on fast cars and holidays and now have to live in your basement.

If you’re not sure how to bring up this delicate topic, you can start off by getting yourself and your partner to take a “money personality” quiz online on a site like https://www.moneyharmony.com/moneyharmony-quiz. These quizzes are free, and they let you know whether you’re a hoarder, money monk, avoider, spender or “amasser.” Finding out which you are which your partner is is important and are a good way to get difficult conversations on the subject of money started.

Agree Goals Together

When both partners have the same financial goals, it becomes a lot easier to agree on how to spend money, day to day. If the aim is to save up for a house or put aside $1000 a month to start a business, it’s a lot easier to make decisions that both parties can agree upon. Carrozza says that couple should sit down at least once a year and thrash out what it is that they want to achieve. It could be anything from paying off debt, saving for retirement or buying a new car.

For Richer, For Poorer: Here's How To Prevent Money Problems From Blowing Up Your Marriage

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Carrozza points out that having shared goals is especially important in families where there is only one income-generating spouse. Often in those situations, the person making the money can feel abused and resentful towards the person not earning money, if the other person spends it imprudently. Equally, the person who doesn’t have a job can feel guilty for not contributing more to the household and paying their own way. This is why it’s so important for both people in the relationship to agree on goals so that both can feel that they are doing something to work towards them. It’s important too, says Carrozza, that the spouse who isn’t working does at least something on the side so that they feel as if they are contributing something to the household. This could be as simple as organizing a garage sale or getting a job as an assistant teacher.

When it comes to money, it’s always worth remembering the gold rule: treat your spouse the way that you’d like to be treated yourself. This is something that too many couples forget to do, especially when the topic of conversation is the family finances.

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Date Night: An Alternative View

Date Night: An Alternative View

Date Night: An Alternative View

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There comes a point as a parent where you wonder what you can do to get the thrill back in your life. After spending years changing diapers and doing the school round is there a way to break the monotony? Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but is there a way to get a little of me back? In the world of 50-hour working weeks, constant social media bombardment, and the fact that everything is just so much more expensive than it used to be, how can we even afford to get time to ourselves? And what about your kid’s mom? No doubt she is feeling the same way. What can you do? You can have a night out once in a while, but it might be like that scene in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind where Jim Carrey’s character is thinking that it’s the same old night in the same restaurant, not talking. And you don’t want to get to that point either. And you definitely don’t want to spend your date talking about the kids. This is about you! So what alternatives are there for date night?

Go For An After-Hours Gin

You can spend hours planning the perfect picnic, and that is wonderful. No doubt, she will appreciate the effort you have put in, but the excitement of hot jazz and after hours fun may take the edge off and help you blow off a little steam. Cocktail bars also offer a great atmosphere with intriguing drinks.

Did You Live For Live Music?

Did you go to gigs a lot when you were younger? Do you even remember when you last went to a gig? Whisking your partner off to a concert by their favorite band is a great way to recapture some of that freedom you had when you were younger. A plus to that is that you can’t even hear your phone if it rings so you may feel that you have a real night off for once!

Get Scared To Death!

Not in the usual way where your kid doesn’t stop coughing for 5 minutes! Taking your partner on a ghost walk or a scare attraction will no doubt get them to cosy up to you for protection! Have a look for what tours are operating near you and get ready to be scared!

Get Sporty

You don’t need to take them to a football game! Do something that is fun and requires little competition! Crazy golf is the perfect solution to those problems, there’s very little rules, and a lot of crazy golf courses turn it into a function for adults, with a bar. Get some fun times in without the kids!

It’s my opinion that you need to spend time getting to know why you were attracted to each other in the first place. Having a little adventure will offset the balance. And when it comes to a treat for mother’s day, it will make a nice change from those big dates you’ve been having!

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Don't Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

Don’t Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

Anyone that has been involved in planning a wedding knows that there is so much stuff to get sorted before, during, and after the big day. It can be so easy to overlook some things and completely forget others. But there some things that you should make a special effort to get sorted, especially if they show people your thanks and gratitude for being involved in your celebration.

Don't Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

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Cheat Sheets

Ok so a wedding is not a test, and your guests should not be made to feel like it is. That is why before the big day happens you need to produce ‘cheat sheets’ for everyone.

These will allow you to include information about the service, its location and how to get there. You can also add recommended places to stay in the area, as well as taxi firms and any discounts you have managed to secure. In this way, you guests will have all the information that they need to have a wonderful time at your wedding.

Seating plans

Something that can be easily overlooked when planning a wedding is the seating plan. Traditional seating plans divide the wedding party into groups and assign an individual place to each person. Seating plans can take a long time to perfect especially if you haven’t had all your RSVPs back, as you often have to end up changing people around.

Don't Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

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That is why a modern trend in both church and reception venue seating is to let people choose their places is now quite popular. This has certain advantages in that people feel more comfortable because they get to sit with people that they already know. However, it can have a negative effect on breaking the ice between different friendship and family groups. But this can be combated with some fun party games.

Late Night Snacks

Don't Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

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While a lot of planning and preparation goes into sorting out the food for the cocktail hour and the main meal, providing some sustenance for your guests later on in the evening is often overlooked. But if the day has been a long one or you ate fairly early, people will start to get hungry again come the evening time.

You don’t have to provide a huge amount of food, though. Some people go for a buffet. Others choose a hot snack like hot dogs to keep people fueled up for the rest of the party.

Thank You Cards

During the run up to your special day, there is so much to think about that you probably haven’t planned much farther than the honeymoon. But something that you should not forget is to have a good stock of thank you cards at the ready. It is good manners to show people your appreciation for their spending their time attending your wedding and for the gifts they bring.

Don't Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

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It’s best to have your thank you cards at the ready for the few days after the ceremony. Then if you have some time before you jet off on your honeymoon you can get them sorted then and there. It’s so much easier that way than to let the hang over your for the next six months or so. Just get them sorted.

Gifts for the wedding party

Another nice way of showing appreciation for people is to provide small gifts for the bride and groom’s family, the groomsmen and the bridesmaids. Not only does doing this show that you value them and their role in your life, but it also marks your appreciation for all that they have done in helping you to get the wedding sorted.

Traditionally the mother of the bride and mother of the groom receive a bunch of flowers, where the bridesmaid have jewelry that they can wear on the day.

Gift for Groomsmen can be items like watches, or tankards. Of course, you don’t have to go with these traditional ideas and can get them anything that you think appropriate. Just remember that something thoughtful that they can remember the day by is always a good idea.

Groom gifts

Some couples choose to buy each other gifts for their wedding day too. This acts a symbol of commitment and also shows that the other person will be committed to making their partner happy throughout their married life.

Don't Forget These Small But Vital Wedding Elements

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Typical gifts for grooms include watches, cuff links or tie pins. A nice gift for brides can include experience days like afternoon teas or a spa trip. Plan them for the month anniversary of the wedding day for an extra special touch.

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Wedding Planning Tips

Wedding Planning Tips

The wedding planning and services industry has exploded into an economic powerhouse. It’s no wonder it often takes a year or more to plan a wedding. From venue to flowers, the choices, and costs, are daunting. Maybe you’ve started a weight loss program or decided now is the time to enjoy the savings of a Groupon coupon and begin an Invisalign program to get that perfect smile on your special day.

Step back a moment and take a look at the big picture. You’re planning on spending untold dollars, time and resources planning an event that will last not much more than six hours. The intent of a wedding is to launch a lifelong marriage. How much time will you spend planning the marriage? While you’ve undoubtedly declared your love to your future spouse, have you reflected on how to face the big decisions that will be required of your union?  Raising a family, managing careers and finances are some of the big picture items that need to be discussed from the heart.

How will you handle conflict? Are you committed to compromise? After the honeymoon and infatuation are things of the past, routine can easily set in. How will you keep the excitement and romance in your marriage? When raising a family, how will the responsibilities be divided? These are all important questions to address before the big day. Often a facilitator can provide valuable insight and direction. Seek the counsel of someone in a marriage that you’ve always admired and as them for their advice. Chances are they’ll say the keys to a lasting marriage are kindness, respect and communication.

Enjoy the planning for your big day. Don’t forget to include the planning for your marriage of a lifetime.

On Cloud Nine: Scientifically-Backed Actionable Ways To Improve Your Relationship

On Cloud Nine: Scientifically-Backed Actionable Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Sometimes your marriage can feel like an uphill battle. The harder you fight, the further you seem to fall behind. What’s worse, when you look back at the dawn of your relationship, things looked so much better. Why can’t you go back to those halcyon days when things were easier and better?

First off, it’s worth saying that you’re not alone. Millions of men go through the same torment in their own relationships. And second, there are things that you can do about it, thanks to science. The science of relationships has been progressing at an impressive clip of late. And now it’s giving us all actionable methods that actually help to improve our relationships.

On Cloud Nine: Scientifically-Backed Actionable Ways To Improve Your Relationship

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Appreciate Your Partner, But Also Challenge Them

Ever since we got no-fault divorce, women have been telling their divorce attorney that their husbands don’t appreciate them. But what exactly does that mean? According to the science, it means being complimentary 90 percent of the time, and challenging the other 10 percent. Most men can understand why they should be complimentary. But what about challenging your partner? Why is that important?

It turns out that challenging your partner is important for them to build respect for you. Your partner needs to know that you’ll hold them to account if they fail to achieve their espoused values. For instance, if they think shouting is wrong but shout at the kids, that’s when you need to challenge them. Challenging your partner helps them to respect you more. Often people can get frustrated with their partners if they don’t hold them to any objective standards of behavior. Letting your partner know that they haven’t lived up to their own standards makes them respect you more.

Always Live In The Present

The past and the future don’t exist: all we have is now. Yet many couples live as if the past and the future are real things that they can actually inhabit. Take, for instance, couples who say that they’ll spend more time together in the future. How many times have you heard that? They tell themselves that once they’ve got more money or a promotion, they’ll take more time off and go on holiday together.

The latest science is now demonstrating the importance of mutual availability of each person in the couple. The more available you are to the needs of your partner in the moment, the more you can connect. Building a stable relationship is all about the small, simple interactions you have with your spouse. It could be something as easy as grunting a response when your partner tells you about their day at work. Being open with your partner and focusing on them and only them implicitly tells them that you think they are important.

Don’t Create False Narratives

Researchers have known since the 1980s that couples underreport pleasurable experiences by 50 percent. As a result, married couples often construct false narratives. They tell themselves that their relationships are headed in the wrong direction.

Avoid these false narratives like the plague. Be objective about both the good and the bad in your relationship.

Here Goes Nothing: How To Get Yourself Ready To Propose

Here Goes Nothing: How To Get Yourself Ready To Propose

Here Goes Nothing: How To Get Yourself Ready To Propose

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When it comes to proposals, the ladies have it easy.

Let’s face it, asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you is a big deal. It’s like saying: “I think I’m great, we’re great, and you should hitch your cart to this wagon”. It’s advisable you don’t use those exact words, but that’s the general gist. Few of us are ever going to do something that is going to expose us to fear, uncertainty and gut-wrenching hope the way a proposal is. Your intended holds your whole future in her hands, and no matter how sure you are, there’s always that element of doubt.

If you’re thinking the time is coming to get down on one knee (or however you want to do it) – there are ways to lessen the stress. And I’m not just talking about dropping hints you think it’d be great if your girlfriend were the one to propose, either. You can do this! You just maybe need a few nudges to get you there.

#1 – Talk To Her

Here Goes Nothing: How To Get Yourself Ready To Propose

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What Not To Do: “Girlfriend, I love you and want to ask you to marry me. How would you feel about that? If I did that, would you say yes or shatter my heart into a billion pieces and wreck my entire existence?”

What To Do: Be subtle; even make it a joke. She does something that makes you proud of her? Joke, “any more of this and I might just have to put a ring on it”. The way she responds – laughing and nodding along, or running out of the room screaming – will tell you a lot about where she’s at.

#2 – Engage Subterfuge

Here Goes Nothing: How To Get Yourself Ready To Propose

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Her friends; her Mom; anyone in her life, really. You can get an idea of where your girlfriend is at by talking to them, so long as you can trust them with the secret. If you are going to go down this route, then it’s best to make sure you plan to propose pretty soon after. The longer you leave it, the more at risk the secret is.

#3 – Ring Talk

Here Goes Nothing: How To Get Yourself Ready To Propose

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You have two options when it comes to the ring.

a) You buy a cheap costume ring as a representative of the sentiment, and then she chooses the one she wants to wear for the rest of her life.

  1. b) You take a gamble and buy the real ring from the off. There’s plenty of ways to do it, from browsing diamond engagement rings to quizzing her about gemstone preference. Don’t worry too much about ring size, though. Most rings can be adapted, so no string-around-the-ring-finger tricks for you.

#4 – Plan Something She’d Love

Not every woman wants a big proposal worthy of YouTube. On the other hand, some women will feel it’s an opportunity missed if you don’t go all out. If you don’t know which kind of woman your girlfriend is, there’s a chance you don’t know her well enough to be proposing. Small and quiet or loud and proud? Always put her in mind when it comes to the planning. That’s a pretty good rule for marriage, too!

Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

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So what is trust, exactly? For many, trust is the unquestioning belief that your partner is going to do right by you. Does this mean that trust requires you to have an unshakable belief that your partner can do no wrong? It’s definitely a pretty tall order, and places a heavy burden on the both of you. Can anyone be the subject of unquestioning belief? For a lot of people, that’s a pretty difficult concept to swallow.

But of this there can be no doubt. When distrust is at the forefront of someone’s mind that it fundamentally changes the dynamics of a relationship.

How a lack of trust affects a relationship

A lot of people think they know what a lack of trust in a relationship is like. They see it as one partner always being visibly paranoid. Always asking their partner where they’ve been and with who but never seeming to believe them. But sometimes a lack of trust isn’t communicated so explicitly.

A lack of trust can manifest as a lack of intimacy between partners. Physical contact can create unpleasant feelings. It can result in partners not talking, or being evasive about particular subjects. This creates an emotional chasm between the two that can seem difficult to fix.

Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

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Dealing with specific suspicions

When we talk of a lack of trust, we’re often talking about fears of infidelity. This isn’t always the case, but it is generally what we’re referring to. But how do we relieve such fears? There’s often only one answer: find out the truth.

Some people may even choose to work with a detective agency if they have these sorts of suspicions about their partner. While that may seem like a big step to a lot of people, it can sometimes be the only way for someone to put their worries to rest.

Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

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Coming to terms with the past

If something bad has occurred in a relationship, such as infidelity, then trust can be hard to rebuild. But it’s not impossible. In my opinion, the adage of “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is a dangerous and inaccurate one. Many cynics like to assume that people don’t change. Yet we all have experience, with others and with ourselves, that directly contradicts that claim. Unfortunately, I don’t have much to offer you except another adage: “Time heals”.

But what if mistrust is occurring despite there being no misbehavior from a partner? It could stem from a history preceding the relationship. If someone has dealt with abuse or social rejection in their past, then this can manifest as excessive distrust later in life. This can create lasting problems in all the relationships that person experiences.Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

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Getting help

In many of these cases, getting outside help can be of tremendous use. Many people don’t believe that relationship counseling/therapy can help them. But you should be prepared to approach this sort of thing with an open mind. There’s a chance it could save your relationship – and if there’s a chance, you should go for it.

Communication is everything. Remember this when you’re dealing with these sorts of problems.

How Your Age Affects Your Relationships And Your Breakups

How Your Age Affects Your Relationships And Your Breakups

Relationships make up a huge part of our lives. From cute childhood ‘relationships’ to teenage first love and then marriage, we will probably date a fair few people in our lives. These relationships might seem like the be all and end all at the time, and we could be convinced that we’ll stay with our significant other forever. However, in many cases, a lot of these relationships will come to an end. Being in love is great, but sometimes it’s just not built to last. Breakups are difficult no matter what age you are, but how they come about and how you react is different at each stage of your life.

How Your Age Affects Your Relationships And Your Breakups

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The teenage relationship

They say you never forget your first love. For most people, this is probably true. Falling in love for the first time feels manic and uncontrollable, as it’s something we have never experienced before. This is why it can often feel very intense and you become inseparable from your partner at that time. It is true that for some people, they stay with their first love forever. But, it is rare. Most people do eventually split from their first lover, whether that’s due to moving away from each other or simply because you have changed. When we date in our teens, we tend to be carefree and happy-go-lucky because we don’t have many worries or responsibilities. As the couple grows up and they face more adult situations, it can cause tension between them. Breaking up with your first love can be extremely distressing and you may feel like you won’t ever find anyone else. It will take time to heal, but you will love again!

The college/mid-20s relationship

Going away to college means you meet a whole variety of people you otherwise may not have mixed with. This means there’s a lot of opportunity for potential relationships. However, getting into a relationship around this age can be a bit of a grey area. Some people are still just looking for a bit of fun, whilst others are looking ahead to marriage and children. Chances are, you’ll be in a college relationship for a number of years before you either go one of two ways. If you end up breaking up, you might actually take this slightly better than you did your teenage relationship. This is not because it means any less – in fact it probably means more – but you are more emotionally prepared this time around.

How Your Age Affects Your Relationships And Your Breakups

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Marriage

When you find the person you want to marry, you enter a kind of blissful state of happiness. It looks like everything in your future is now secured – especially if you have kids with this person. Often, it all works out great and you certainly do live happily every after. However, unfortunately many marriages these days do end up in divorce. Leaving your married partner can be life changingly difficult, even if you both know it’s for the best. But there are ways to make it run as smoothly as possible. If finances or personal care is a worry for you, look around for information on obtaining a spousal maintenance agreement. It is likely that you and your partner will be stressed and prone to arguing around the time of separation, so getting a mediator involved can take some of the pressure off both of you.

Why It's Important To Take The High Road During A Divorce

Why It’s Important To Take The High Road During A Divorce

We know that divorces aren’t an easy time for anyone involved. They can get heated. They can get ugly. Arguments that were “resolved” years ago come up with more vitriol than you might imagine. It’s a stressful time so we look for someone to blame. However, it’s important that we keep check on the ugly instincts that can arise when we feel threatened. It’s important to use a better way.

Why It's Important To Take The High Road During A Divorce

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Be mindful

It’s important to remember why you got married in the first place. There had to be some positive seed that turned into a relationship before it went south. Similarly, you should try to be mindful of why the relationship is ending, as well. Identifying the root of the problem can help you address the root of you and your partner’s behavior as well. If you can identify those urges, then you can act against the uglier of them. This will help both of you in the long run.

Get mediated

Don’t expect that the divorce is going to settle itself. Expectations, wants and needs start to play in. Especially if there are children involved. You want to settle this with as little heartache as possible to try to head towards a mediated divorce, not one that has to be taken to court. Even if you’re getting mediated, take an adviser with you. People from firms like Roger W. Stelk Law Offices are there to help you arrange a fair deal. You don’t want to find yourself the only one without an adviser.

Why It's Important To Take The High Road During A Divorce

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Don’t drag the kids into it

Even if there is a discussion of custody, it’s important to not to try to bring your children into the middle of the divorce. They are not a weapon or a card to be played. Treating them that way is going to damage their relationship with both their parents. Instead, communicate with them about what’s happening. But do it avoiding using insulting or degrading language about your partner. Realize that they will already have a tough time dealing with the divorce. They don’t have adult coping skills to be able to deal with a conflict in the middle of it as well.

Be future oriented

The most important reason you should be trying to make things as civil as possible is for the future. We’ve already mentioned how much of an impact the divorce can have on a child’s life. It will have just as big an impact on yours. You may end up sharing custody which means that civil communication between you and your partner is important. You don’t want dread to be hanging over you every time you have to see you ex. So work on maintaining a positive relationship with them, instead.

Even if your partner isn’t as willing to play fair, you should always take the high road when you can. Be mindful about why the relationship has broken up and why they’re feeling this way. You and your kids could suffer dearly if you don’t take the high road.

What is "Attachment Parenting?"

What is Attachment Parenting?

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There is a theory in parenting called “attachment parenting.” Although I’m not a new parent, I only heard of the phrase recently, and due to my curiosity decided to do some research on exactly what it is and share what I found with my readers.

What is “Attachment Parenting?”

According to WebMD, “attachment parenting focuses on the nurturing connection that parents can develop with their children.”There are generally eight principles of “attachment parenting” recognized by Attachment Parenting International (API). 

The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting

Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting:  When a person is getting ready to become a parent for the first (or maybe second, third, fourth, etc.) time, there are a lot of stressors that creep up.  Thoughts such as: Am I going to be a good parent?  I don’t know what I’m doing.  How am I going to afford this baby? What will the pregnancy be like? What can I expect during the delivery? Advocates for attachment parenting encourage parents to rid themselves of any negative thoughts or feelings about the pregnancy.  Doing so, they say, readies the individual for delivering the baby and taking on the demands of parenthood.

Feed with love and respect: Attachment parenting supporters say that the best way to become attached with your baby is by breastfeeding. Breastfeeding your child creates an intimate attachment with your baby, and teaches them to give you cues about their needs.

Respond with sensitivity: This should go without saying for any parent. Always respond to your child with their feelings in mind. Even when a child throws a temper tantrum, he or she is communicating.  Attachment parent advocates take all forms of communication seriously versus punishing the child.

Use nurturing touch: Skin-to-skin touching is viewed by advocates for attachment parenting as a critical form of nurturing a child.  Attachment parents will often bathe with baby and wear the baby in a harness during the day.

Engage in nighttime parenting:  Attachment parenting encourages parents co-sleeping with their babies. Co-sleeping allows the baby to be able to be near the mother for feeding and any emotional soothing that may be needed.

Provide constant, loving care:  Attachment parenting pushes for constant, loving care for their babies.  This means that the parent is almost always with the child during activities. These types of parents also push for no more than 20 hours of childcare per week for babies 30 weeks or younger.

Practice positive discipline: Advocates of attachment parenting are encouraged to distract and redirect their kids and display positive behavior.  It is the parent’s job to understand the underlying cause of a child’s negative behavior and work out a solution cooperatively with the child, instead of relying upon spanking or other methods of punishment.

Strive for balance in personal and family life:  Parents practicing attachment parenting are encouraged to create a positive environment and be a support system for their kids.

Why I’m Not an “Attachment Parenting” Advocate

There are some of the above principles that I can agree to and think that they are wonderful ideas for some, but I don’t completely buy into all of them. For example, I don’t necessarily agree that a child should be allowed to continue to throw tantrums as a form of communication.  If I did that at work or with other adults I would get in trouble.  While the occasional tantrum is normal, I believe that parents should turn their attention to teaching their child how to communicate politely.

I also don’t believe in co-sleeping.  Not only is it dangerous for infants to co-sleep (because of SIDS), but it is also VERY hard to transition a child to his or her room as they get older. My oldest son had a very hard time learning how to sleep in his own bed when he was young, and we had such a hard time breaking him of the habit.  Children should be taught from a very early age how to sleep independently.  While I agree that kids should be able to have their parents nearby to feed or soothe, there is no reason why this has to be done from the same room or bed. Our rule is that mommy and daddy’s bed is not for kids.  We do have occasional “camp out” nights where my wife and I will camp out in our kids room for fun. We don’t do this every night as we are strong advocates for independent sleeping.

I was very interested to read about attachment parenting and am still learning more about it.  Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears have a great book, The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby.  Click the link to purchase it securely on Amazon.

Question for you:  Are you an “attachment parent?”  Why?  Which of the 8 principles above do you follow?  I really am interested to see other perspectives on this!

Actions You Can Take If You Are No Longer Happy With Your Marriage

Actions You Can Take If You Are No Longer Happy With Your Marriage

Actions You Can Take If You Are No Longer Happy With Your Marriage

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Is your marriage no longer, or not currently, a part of your life that makes you happy and fulfilled? It doesn’t have to be that way. There are a number of actions you can take if you are no longer happy with your marriage. We’ll begin with the option of divorce and then travel to the opposite end of the spectrum, and that of just giving it some time. Finally, we settle in the middle of the spectrum and look at the option of couples counseling in more detail. Which is the right one for you? Read on to find out.

Action 1: Divorce

Of course, nobody wants to get divorced when they get married. However, people can change and so can situations and circumstances. If you are truly no longer happy together, staying together isn’t doing anybody any good. You both deserve to be happy, and if you will be happiest apart, divorce could be the option for you. Don’t be frightened off by horror stories either. Amicable divorces are 100% possible. Surely, they’re not easy, but if you work at being as amicable as possible yourself, it will help!

Action 2: Give It Time

While divorcing is an action that need a great deal to happen, this action is more of a passive one. It could be that all you need to do is just give your relationship time. No relationship is perfect 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. If anyone tells you that there’s is, they’re either lying or totally deluded! Instead, relationships are work, and hard work at there. There is a chance that you are just going through a blip at the moment. Or your partner is dealing with other things that are distracting him from being the husband or wife he or she should be. Take a step back, zip your mouth and see if they need your support more than they need divorce papers brandishing in their faces. After all, marriage is about the hard times just as much as the good times.

Action 3: Couples Counseling

Relationships can go sour over time. It is just the way life is. Maybe you’ve been headed for trouble for a while, or maybe the issues can seemingly out the blue. Whatever brought them to you, here is a final action you can take. Divorce may seem too extreme, but on the other end of the spectrum, giving it time may not have worked either. An alternative action and one that falls in the middle of the road, is couples counseling. As the name of it suggests, this is counseling that you attend together, as a couple. The aim is to get your feelings out in the open but in a healthy, productive and controlled way. The thought of discussing your issues with a stranger might make you cringe. However, remember that counselors and therapists are professionals. Having someone else in the room may help you finally air the things you’ve needed to for a while. Still hesitant? Just try one session, to begin with, and see how you feel during and afterwards.

Common Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Gone Sour & How To Deal With Them!

Common Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Gone Sour & How To Deal With Them!

Long-term relationships are hard enough at the best of times, let alone when you’ve got little ones to think about. As a parent, it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner and concentrate all of your time on your family. With family life being so hectic and there being little time for your partner and relationship, it’s easy to see why problems arise. If you’re not ferrying the kids here, there and everywhere, you’re cleaning the house or preparing tea. There’s no two ways about it; family life is mad. And because of this, often your relationship gets neglected.

Common Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Gone Sour & How To Deal With Them!

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If you’ve noticed that the spark that you and your partner once had seems to have faded, you may be wondering about the future that you have together. Could it be that your relationship has reached its expiration date? Or is there something that you can do to turn your sour partnership into something sweeter? Let’s find out.

To do that, below is a list of reasons your relationship has changed, as well as advice on the best ways to deal with each of them.

You don’t spend enough time together

At the start of your relationship, you and your partner probably spent all of your time together. And because of this, you were as loved up as could be. The truth is, the more quality time you spend with someone, the closer to each other you grow. However, when you no longer have one-on-one time, the bonds that you’ve built can begin to fade. You begin to feel more distant from your partner and the spark that was once there, starts to fade.

The answer for dealing with this issue is to make time to date each other again. Family life might be crazy, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t squeeze a date in now and then. Getting out of the house together for some one-on-one time can be all it takes to bring back the spark that the two of used to have. If you make time to fall in love with each other all over again, things will start to get better.

Common Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Gone Sour & How To Deal With Them!

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Bad habits have developed in your relationship

Just like as drivers we develop naughty habits – like driving with one hand or coasting as we drive, the same thing can happen in relationships. Over time, bad habits develop, which change the structure of your relationship. At first, they’re just little things that irritate the other person, but over time they build up and become a serious problem. Little things like leaving dirty clothes scattered everywhere can lead to all sorts of arguments. These daily arguments can, believe it or not, lead to a relationship breakdown.

Habits are hard to break, especially when you don’t see the problem with them. However, if you want to make your relationship as healthy as it can be, it’s crucial that you try to break these habits. Listen to what bugs your partner and do what you can to change. They might only seem like little things to you, but to them, they could feel like a huge problem. If you don’t make the effort to change, it could eventually lead to your relationship ending.

How you feel about each other has changed

Of all the reasons why your relationship has gone sour, this is the saddest. If how you feel about each other has changed, the chances are that any chemistry that you once had has completely disappeared. The hectic lifestyle you’ve led as a family combined with your crazy work schedule has meant that your relationship has broken down. When this happens, there’s not a quick fix that will make things better.

You’ve got two options; to see a therapist and try to work through what’s gone wrong or to consult a divorce solicitors and agree to break up. The thing is, if how you feel about each other has changed, there’s not always a way to get things back on track. Of course, you can try, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best option. Sometimes, breaking up is a better option than staying together, because in the long-run, breaking up will make you both happiest.

Financial problems

Common Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Gone Sour & How To Deal With Them!

They say money is the root of all evil, and it’s true. As a family, money can be a real issue, especially when there’s a lack of it. It can make family life incredibly stressful and can cause all sorts of arguments between yourself and your partner. The truth is, money can be a killer when it comes to relationships.

If money is an issue for you and your partner, it’s important to talk about it together. Don’t argue with each other because you haven’t got enough money coming in, talk things through. There’s no point arguing with each other; it’s best to sit down and work out what steps to take. It might not always be easy, but it’s much better to talk things out rather than blame each other.

Relationships aren’t always easy, and they don’t always last forever. However, the good news is that most problems can be worked through. It’s just a case of taking the steps to work them out in a way that works for you and your partner.

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

On Saturday night, my wife and I had a rare date night on the town.  We started things off with dinner at Salar in the Oregon District. Amazing atmosphere, food, and drinks made it a great start to our fun evening!

 

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

We then walked a block down to Belle of Dayton – a local distillery.  I had never toured a distillery before, but was excited for the opportunity.  We walked in and found a seat in front of 4 glasses and a menu of the different products we’d be tasting that night.  The tour started out with one of the owners talking about the history of alcohol production in the Dayton area and then talked about how they started their business. Although they considered many names, Belle of Dayton became the name of choice.  He explained that another local business discovered a bottle buried in the ground when they were doing building renovations. The bottle was from pre-prohibition and was labeled “Belle of Dayton.”  Pretty cool, huh?

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

This adventure was all my beautiful wife’s idea!  Who WOULDN’T want to sit across from her??  So beautiful!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

My favorite drink during the tasting was Hell’s Vodka.  The owner wasn’t lying when he said this vodka was so hot it would clear out your sinuses.  It was delicious!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

I also tried the 4-Grain Ohio Rye Whiskey.  I normally drink my Manhattans with a rye whiskey so I was curious as to whether or not I wanted to start mixing in Belle of Dayton Rye Whiskey.

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

If you like rum, you’ll love the 1775 Colonial Reserve.  It was very sweet-tasting!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

Probably my least favorite of the tasting, but still very good, was the Belle of Dayton Vodka.  I’d much rather mix it with a cocktail versus drink it straight.

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

We got to tour the distillery which included the barrel storage room.  The owner explained how long (or short) a particular product has to age before it’s ready for consumption. Pretty interesting stuff!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

I had never seen or smelled beer fermenting before.  If only I had brought in a large straw….

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

We bought a few glasses as souvenirs!  Can’t wait to drink my Manhattans in these!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!

 

I highly recommend going on the Belle of Dayton tour if you are in the Dayton area. Not only are you supporting a local small business, but it’s very fun and you learn something new!

A Fun Night at Belle of Dayton Distillery Tour and Tasting!