As parents we sometimes forget how important it is for us to stay together, stay in love and show our children how positive relationships work. We can grow quite far apart and distant from one another, especially when we have growing children. It might not mean we have fallen out of love, merely that the dynamic has changed and we haven’t adjusted. However, for the sake of the children, it is time to pull yourselves back together again.
Before the kids came along, it was just the two of you. You had learned how to live with the differences you both had when it came to daily living. Simple things such as one of you may think very logically, while the other is very creative. You used to find yourselves in turmoil when you first moved in together but soon realized it was your differences which made you work so well. You both had your lives and the one you shared together. Work meant you would discuss issues from your day and you both had a mutual respect and understanding of what your daily life was like. You were on top of your finances and nicely flowing through life.
And then you had children.
They are the love of your lives and, as such, they have become the most important thing in both of your worlds. Suddenly there is more pressure on you both. For many dads that pressure comes through a need to provide for the family. For the mother to be able to take time off work for as long as she needs. While he may not say it, there is a natural desire to allow mom to be at home with the babies, without the pressure of having to return to work. It is how men work; we want to provide. Of course, our partners don’t expect that level of commitment from us; they want us to stay open and be honest. If they are needed to return to work, then say. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. And a sort of unfair resentment can begin to build towards your partner at home. This can create tension which the children will pick up on and sense, kids are like little empaths and they know there is an issue before you do. If you think your kids may be feeling the pressure you can find some great ways to boost their happiness here.
Moms tend to lose it a bit too because they feel like they have all the pressure on them to raise the children, most moms don’t feel like their partner understands how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. That it is the same as having a busy job during the day, except you never get to leave the office.
Having children changes the game. So make sure you stay in it. The simple fix for anyone who is looking to stay in love is to listen first and then talk. If you can do that, you will continue to grow and be happy!