We know that divorces aren’t an easy time for anyone involved. They can get heated. They can get ugly. Arguments that were “resolved” years ago come up with more vitriol than you might imagine. It’s a stressful time so we look for someone to blame. However, it’s important that we keep check on the ugly instincts that can arise when we feel threatened. It’s important to use a better way.
It’s important to remember why you got married in the first place. There had to be some positive seed that turned into a relationship before it went south. Similarly, you should try to be mindful of why the relationship is ending, as well. Identifying the root of the problem can help you address the root of you and your partner’s behavior as well. If you can identify those urges, then you can act against the uglier of them. This will help both of you in the long run.
Don’t expect that the divorce is going to settle itself. Expectations, wants and needs start to play in. Especially if there are children involved. You want to settle this with as little heartache as possible to try to head towards a mediated divorce, not one that has to be taken to court. Even if you’re getting mediated, take an adviser with you. People from firms like Roger W. Stelk Law Offices are there to help you arrange a fair deal. You don’t want to find yourself the only one without an adviser.
Don’t drag the kids into it
Even if there is a discussion of custody, it’s important to not to try to bring your children into the middle of the divorce. They are not a weapon or a card to be played. Treating them that way is going to damage their relationship with both their parents. Instead, communicate with them about what’s happening. But do it avoiding using insulting or degrading language about your partner. Realize that they will already have a tough time dealing with the divorce. They don’t have adult coping skills to be able to deal with a conflict in the middle of it as well.
Be future oriented
The most important reason you should be trying to make things as civil as possible is for the future. We’ve already mentioned how much of an impact the divorce can have on a child’s life. It will have just as big an impact on yours. You may end up sharing custody which means that civil communication between you and your partner is important. You don’t want dread to be hanging over you every time you have to see you ex. So work on maintaining a positive relationship with them, instead.
Even if your partner isn’t as willing to play fair, you should always take the high road when you can. Be mindful about why the relationship has broken up and why they’re feeling this way. You and your kids could suffer dearly if you don’t take the high road.